Derealization
by spiritgurl21
Summary: Gameverse, Originalshipping. To Green, a dream is just a simple imitation of how things could've been. In reality, real life is a simple imitation of how things could've been.
1. Derealization

**A/N I just can't seem to write a happy story these days... *sigh* I'm such a sucker for angsty stories.**

** This idea was inspired by all the mind-trippy, heart-achy originalshipping fics on this site. **

**Warnings: Mind-play, boy x boy, mild language, angst**

**Pokemon and all related products do not belong to me. I am not making a profit from this at all. **

* * *

_**"I'm just...sorry...just...come back..."**_

* * *

_"Get. Out."_

Green smirks, trying to keep his usual wall of arrogance standing. Trying not to be stung by the venom in Red's words.

"We're already out."

Hate floats to the top of crimson pools, and Green suddenly wishes he had kept his damn mouth shut.

"Just _go away._"

He takes a step back, causing the '_crunch_' of snow to resonate. It doesn't last long, though. Nothing does, not here.

"When will you forgive me?" he shouts over the chilling winds that thrash by. A particularly violent one almost makes him loose his footing, but Red doesn't even bat an eyelash.

"Get out of my _life_."

He growls, though he knows Red can hear him. "I don't get what I did wrong."

Red takes a step toward him. Under normal circumstances, that would be his own way of inviting Green inside, saying 'hello' in his silent way. But this circumstance is in no way normal.

"You made me _care._ I can't believe I even..."

The other words are scattered in the howling wind.

Green takes another step back to match Red's movement forward. In the storm of white, all he sees is crimson and splotches of brown and yellow. Eevee and Pikachu are completely oblivious to the heated battle of words that's going on around them, only knowing the feel of each other's fur. A feeling of envy rises in his chest. He wishes he was that dim.

_Crunch. Crunch._ Each time Red advances is another time Green retreats. He's getting close to the edge of the peak, too close for his comfort. The cocky smile is still plastered on his face. He wishes he could slap himself, but that would be just as bad as surrendering.

A brief second is wasted on wondering why the rivalry was still there, even after all the years they've spent together. Maybe it's just him.

It's like this is every time he visits Red. He doesn't know why the level-headed champion is suddenly so..distant. Not explaining anything, just bursting with random spurts of fury. It...scares Green, almost. But it's _Red_ he's talking about. He's... as much as Green hates to admit it, a _friend._ Even more, perhaps, based on the silent kisses exchanged in the darkness.

Red's lips are moving, forming slow words that never quite seem to reach his ears. He can't tell if they're screams or apologizes. Screams of apologizes, maybe.

He would laugh, but that seems completely out of place.

The heel of his feet crumble away the small pebbles that has hidden away under the snow, and loosens them so they can drop to their doom. He's reached the edge. "Are you blaming yourself or me?"

The only answer he gets is another _crunch_ of tightly packed snow. Crimson materializes in front of him, blazing, like it's about to burn him alive. They could, Green bets, if Red stared at him hard enough.

"I _hate_ you."

Green's wall starts to break down, and he places a soft hand on Red's shoulder. A look of (desperation? Panic?) flashes in the red.

There's the muffled sound of skin hitting cloth.

...

Green wonders why he's suddenly falling.

000

"Wake up."

He doesn't comply. His eyelids are made out of stone, as far as the concept of 'waking up' is concerned. A soft thump is heard when another falls onto the bed he's in, making his covers tremble slightly. Green groans and turns the other way, burying his face back into the sheets.

"Come on, sleepyhead."

A fluffy pillow pounds him in the face, and Green has no choice _but_ to wake up.

His eyes open to slits, and he sees Red lying on top of him with a teasing smile on his face. _Oh, it's just Red...`_

He shoots out of the covers, not bothering to notice the pained 'oomph!' that Red makes when he tosses him out of the way. "R-Red?"

The champion recovers quickly, and the bright smile is back in an instant. "Yep! I'm here, like I promised."

Green is confused. Did he make a promise? When did he make a promise? "Yeah, yeah, sure. But the _real _question is, when did you come back from Mount Silver? And why the _hell_ are you in _my_ bed?"

Red blinks, obviously confused. He lazily rolls out of the bed and lands on the floor, his eyes trained on Green. "I don't see why that's a problem."

And when warm fingers capture his and leads him out the door, Green doesn't see why, either.

000

A warm breakfast at the cafe near the gym is the best way to start the day, Green decides. All sorts of flavors drift by his nose, waking him up instantly. Red doesn't seem to notice the scents, but keeps himself busy by observing Green and smiling at his perkiness. "So, what do you want?"

At the sound of Red's voice, Green remembers who's with him at the moment, and the haughty tone wanders back into his voice. "I don't get why you're buying me breakfast, you know," he mumbles in between sips of hazelnut coffee. "Did gramps set you up to this?"

"No," Red replies. "I just wanted to."

After a silent staring contest between the two of them, Green sighs and looks away. "Okay, fine. But don't think I owe you anything."

"I don't," Red replies honestly.

Green orders an acceptable stack of chocolate chip pancakes with butter and strawberry syrup, while Red decides on the snorlax special, which includes all kinds of berries mixed into one soup. Surprisingly, none of the flavors clash together, as Green expected it to. Rather, it blends in and complements the other flavors quite nicely. Red offers him half of the whole thing, but Green declines, not being a fan of the spicy edge made by the cheri berries.

"Red, you're...different today," Green says after many bites of chocolate pancake.

Red gulps a mouthful of soup down before answering. "How so?"

"You seem...happier."

The other boy's lips curl up into a gentle smile. "I'm always happy when I'm with you, Green."

Green's face gains a red hue, and he tries to compensate by taking a big swish of his coffee and choking on it. "Geez, Red. You're so cheesy," he murmurs through mouthfuls of pancake. Red shrugs before scooping out the remainder of his soup and putting it into his mouth.

"So, what are you going to do today?"

Green licks up the last of the pancakes as well, before saying, "Well, I guess I better go open up the gym."

"But you said the gym was going to be closed today."

"Did I?" When Red nods, he tries to shift through his memories, trying to remember when he did. "Huh, I don't remember."

"I don't mind." Red's hand grip his under the table, making Green jump a little when the sudden warmth sparks in their entwined hands, making it feel like a current of electricity is rushing through his arm. Something is urging him to let go, but the feeling is too comforting for Green to do so.

He feels the security a child feels with its mother as he's led out by Red once again. "Where are you going?" he questions, with a huff of annoyance that's not really there. As expected, Red doesn't fall for his act at all, and offers him a wide smile as bright as a thousand suns.

"I don't know, where do you want to go?"

He blurts out the first place he can think of. "The pond."

A series of light tugs carry both of them to the water's edge, where laughter is spent watching the pidgey fight for the bread crumbs they toss. When him and Red skip stones (his record is six, and Red's is four, but does that even matter?) one of the rocks hit a particularly fierce pidgey on the head, and many hours are wasted running around and around to avoid its ferocious pecks. The next hours are spent making crude parodies of the incident and laughing until they fall over.

Red tumbles over Green, and like dominos, he falls over as well, splashing both of them with droplets of cool liquid as his hand slaps the water's edge. After a short session of water fighting, they collapse in the dirt and stay there with Red resting half of his whole body on top of Green's chest. Green finds that it isn't awkward at all.

Somewhere in between, Green notices that he really enjoys Red's laughs, since it's not something the crimson-eyed boy does often. This Red is new. He doesn't mind the old Red, but he figures the new one is better.

"This is fun."

Lovely shades of crimson glint in the sun as Red adjusts his position on the grass to look at him. "Isn't it?"

He feels a twinge of emotion when Red snuggles his head into the crook of his arm and stays there. The warmth puffs of breath get slower and slower, turning into light snores of satisfaction. The sunlight tickles his skin and lulls him into closing his eyes and falling into a blissful dream...

**000**

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Green shifts in the bed. The covers are too light to protect his bare skin from the cold, but though he wants to chatter his teeth or shiver, he can't. It hurts too damn much.

There's an annoying beeping coming from somewhere on his right. Every single 'beep' it produces chills him to the bone- as if the nip in the air wasn't enough already.

_'Shut up.'_

It doesn't.

There seems to be some sort of fog over his memories- he can't remember when he got here and how.

_'This is my apartment, and that is my alarm. I have to get up now. Get up.'_

When he twitches a single finger, his body screams in protest and sends waves of pain up and over. He's too stubborn to give up, though. He tries again, fighting against the currents that try to push him back down.

_"Sir, sir, he's up!"_

The words almost slip by. They're slightly echo-y, as if they're somewhere far away. Relaxing the tension that was created in his small battle, he swirls his thumb around and around against the mattress.

It feels weird. He's touching it, but it doesn't feel real. He describes this feeling as 'trying to touch an object with wrap surrounding it'. He figures it's just the after-effects of laziness.

There's a slam of a door, and that's when he realizes it's not his apartment after all. It's his gym, and he's fallen asleep doing the paperwork again. That's one of the trainers, wondering why he isn't awake yet.

_"How are you feeling?"_

Either this person is speaking through a microphone or this person is doing their worst at shouting their words from all the way across the gym.

His eyes open like a meowth's. Everything's blurry, but he blames it on the drowsiness. Silently, he makes a promise to himself (that he knows he'll break) that he'll never work on paperwork that late ever again.

_"Get the champion in here, pronto."_

Champion? What are they talking about? Lance? Do they mean Lance? This is a gym, not the Elite Four. Really, if he could, he would storm over to this trainer and scold them for crazy talk.

Wait, he closed the gym today, didn't he?

He jerks his head, not remembering why he did. No no, wait, he closed the gym today, right? But he can't remember. It's not panic that it comes to, but rather a sense of uncertainty. _Was_ this his gym? He can't remember, not now.

_"Green?"_

He swears he's heard that voice somewhere before. If only it was a bit clearer, instead of sounding muffled.

Somehow, he gets his eyes halfway open and stares at a blurry gray ceiling that's above him. It looks slightly fuzzy, like the screen to an old black and white TV. With his hands, he gropes around for something to support him when he hauls himself up. Another shock of feeling shoots up his figure when he touches some kind of metal that's next to him. But again, it doesn't feel as if it's really there. He imagines it's the same kind of feeling you would get if you were able to reach into a mirror and touch the things it reflected.

After taking a deep breath he pushes his body up so half his back is now resting against the metalwork frame behind him. Another hand supports him when a spasm of pure _hurt_ radiates from his head. Cold fingers press his temple with the aim of strange reassurance.

The first thing he sees when he looks forward is blurry red eyes. They would look sad, Green thinks, based on the slight downward angle of the person's eyebrows. But the eyes themselves look dead, with no expression at all. Like a child's crayon drawing, with only one color and none to show any difference to anything.

There are other people there as well, all with the same haziness in their eyes. They look like walking corpses. Their skin even has a strange gray hue to it.

The most vibrant thing he's seen so far is the ceiling, he muses. He doesn't understand what this place is- it's only a swirl of gray and white and black in his eyes. Sure, there are flashes of color here and there, but like the boy's eyes, they have no life. It's one solid color- no shadows or anything of the sort.

The red-eyed boy speaks.

_"Green? Are you okay?"_

The fact that everyone seems to be whispering today annoys him.

"Stop whispering."

The other people seemed to be amazed that his voice is regular (Green thinks his voice is the most 'regular' out of all of them. At least _he's_ not whispering) and starts jotting furiously with the pens in their hands. The red-eyed boy, however, is staring with those creepy eyes of his. The angle in his eyebrows have become more exaggerated.

He says something to the other man, who seem to nod his head a bit. Green can't see any signs that would give him hints of what the nod is supposed to mean. A hand goes to rest on his forehead, and he stares up at the ceiling again. It's the only thing that's not dull, because it was dull in the first place.

He catches a small glimpse of the red-eyed boy glancing at him, before turning back to the other man. A small fragment of memory strikes him when he sees the long, white coat kind of thing he's wearing. It was connected to some kind of profession, but he can't remember. He feels that it's important to his situation. The bland, chalky colors float around him, and soon, they become nothing more than a sea of color he can't begin to comprehend. Feeling a bit nauseous, he closes his eyes to escape the brightness.

When he opens his eyes again, they're all gone. Only the previous 'beep, beep' sound is still there, clear against the silence. Green still feels as if he's watching some kind of reality show on TV- part of a world but not actually there. Just a simple bystander. He traces his fingers along the folds of the blanket surrounding him. It still feels like layered plastic. Colors still look like crayon-colors.

That's a funny word. 'Crayon-colors'.

A thin line in the middle of space catches his eye. It's on the side of the bed. When he presses his fingers against it, it feels numb. It's a light-white sort of gray, as if it's transparent. He dips a finger inside, and recoils when a sudden liquid meets his skin.

_Water._

Suddenly, he realizes how much his throat hurts. A gulp of water washes the heat away in his throat, but he can't help but notice the water tastes weird, too. Like nothing, almost. He can certainly feel it sloshing around in his mouth, but it doesn't taste like anything. Did water ever have a taste?

Water just tasted like...water, really. He supposes it's normal.

His fingers relax and lets the glass slip through them. It shatters with a beauty he can't explain. Curiously, he picks up one of the shards and plays with it in his hands.

A slight buzz of pain comes and fades, and a red liquid starts to flow out from a cut he can't see. He drops it to the floor, but not in pain. More fright, than anything else.

_I couldn't feel the prick._

Green can't remember if that's a bad thing or not. A wave of sleep flows over his brain, and he falls victim to it.

Drops of scarlet pool on the floor.

**000**

"Green, wake up."

His eyelids slowly pry open to be met with a dazzling spark of red. He jumps up, pushing the body on top of him away and onto the floor.

"That's what you get, Red," he mutters into the sheets, burying his head into the pillow. A sense of deja vu pricks at him from the back of his mind, but he shoves it off.

A push knocks him off the bed and rolling on the floor. "That's what you get," Red says with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. Green rolls his eyes.

"No need to take it personally," he replies, pushing himself off the floor. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"Nine in the morning."

He's on his feet in no time, eyes wide and accusing, trying to drill a hole into Red's soul. The champion looks genuinely confused. "What?"

"The gym! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

"But you told me the gym wasn't going to be open today, remember?"

Before Green can say something else, Red grabs his wrist and drags him out to the kitchen, saying something about the 'best breakfast ever'.

The day goes as smoothly as he could've dreamed of, complete with watching the sunset and a small peck on the lips to substitute for a goodbye. It's all quite cheesy, but cheesy is good. In real life, anyways.

**000**

Green opens his eyes to stare at the ceiling. Was he dreaming, before? Or is this a dream?

_I wouldn't doubt it. It certainly feels like a dream._ He thinks, rubbing his fingers against the sheets, as he had done the dream before. Yes, he is certain now. This is most definitely a dream. He pulls himself up into a sitting position, taking his pillow along with him so he can use it as a back rest.

The boy from before is there, sitting on a chair beside they bed. A cap that wasn't there the dream before is drawn low, covering most of his face. He twitches when Green moves.

The need to say something feels important somehow, even though it's just a dream. A dream, with dream people and dream feelings. But still...

"Hey."

The boy's head snaps up, revealing a small portion of dull, red eyes from the cap's shadow. Green shifts uncomfortably under the boy's gaze. "...nice hat."

When the boy's head lowers again, Green feels like he's done something wrong. "...sorry?"

Silently, the other shake his head slowly.

"No what?" Green asks with a slight hint of anger. Without a word, the boy stands up and leaves the room.

His heart aches, and he can't remember why.

**000**

Green doesn't even bother to look at the boy when he comes back in the next day. He really doesn't know if it's the next 'day', but the sun's set and risen again, so he supposes it is. The flow of time is very confusing in a dream.

His heart starts aching again as soon as he meets eyes with the stranger, and he's the first to break away to try and stop the pain. He didn't know he could feel pain in a dream. It's the first spark of pain he's felt in this dream, and it _hurts._ Arecus, _it hurtshurtshurtshurts..._

"I'm right, right?"

The person tips his head a bit, which Green takes as a question.

"Yeah, I'm right. You're not real."

He laughs to himself. Once it starts he can't stop, and soon, he finds himself laughing until he's crying. His side hurts, and he's out of breath, but he can't stop, for whatever reason.

"It's not real. _It's not real. It's not real!_"

When the boy runs out, he suddenly finds himself crying.

**000**

Every day is a gift.

Red wakes him up, they have breakfast, they go someplace fantastic and have a great time, eat lunch, go train with each other, eat dinner, then fall asleep together on the couch. The gym is always closed for one reason or another- a gas outbreak, floors are too slippery, all the trainers are sick, the arrow tiles aren't working, etc. It's almost too good to be true.

Red loves him, and that's all that matters.

**000**

_"I'm sorry."_

He wouldn't have believed it if he had not seen the stranger's mouth move himself. Even after what seems like thirty dreams, it's always the same dream, same person, same place. It's quite boring, and Green's learned to ignore everything that goes around him until he falls into a blissful sleep once more.

The boy's never talked before.

_"I'm just..." _A pained sigh barely makes its way to Green's ears, followed by a nervous gulp. _"Just... so, so, so sorry."_

"For what?"

_"For everything. Just, I'm just...sorry..." _There are other words in that sentence, but Green already knows his reply.

"I _hate_ you."

He doesn't know where that came from. The words feel so familiar somehow. He shakes it off. This is just an imitation of real life, just a dream. Not real. At all.

As always, the boy exits silently, not saying a word.

And he regrets nothing.

**000**

The boy doesn't come the next day.

Or the next.

Or the next.

The next..the next...the next...

**000**

One day, he stops having the dream. He wakes up in a cold sweat on that day, but relaxes as soon as he sees Red curled up beside him, clutching at his waist. The soft mutters of 'I love you' are heard, and Green smiles.

**000**

_**Derealization**_

_**An alteration in perception leading to the feeling that the reality of the world has been changed or lost.**_

* * *

**A/N If enough people want it, I might make a Red's POV version of this. But for now, this story is complete.**

**Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed. I would greatly appreciate it if you reviewed! :3**


	2. Guilt

**Warning:**

**This chapter touches on the brink of insanity, and what it feels like to be on that brink. Many things may be confusing, and you might find it hard to understand the characters and their thoughts and actions. If you have a problem with any of the mentioned, please stop reading now. **

**But if you managed to read the previous chapter without being too confused, I think you'll be able to understand this chapter.**

* * *

**"I _hate_ you."**

**000**

Leaf comes to visit, once.

Red's surprised (it's a huge understatement, but it'll have to do for now), and quickly ushers her away from the howling wind that threatens to take them both. Leaf huffs, saying she can take 'whatever, whenever', but her smile reveals the real truth. Red ignores this, and soon has a hot bowl of soup bubbling in the worn-out pot.

Leaf looks around the cave, trying to find what has changed over the years she missed. "Green still coming out here to get you stuff, then?" she asks, even though she already knows the answer.

Red shrugs. He can play this game too. Leaf rolls her eyes and pats the little yellow ball of fluff beside her leg. It shifts, before 'chuu'-ing softly and snuggling into her even more. "Ah, whatever. If you don't feel like talking, you don't talk, you know?"

The champion hesitates, before nodding slightly. Leaf knows him well enough to understand that he is agreeing with her. There's a soft silence that Red shatters by tipping his head. It's his way of saying, _"Why are you here?"_

Again, Leaf knows him well enough to understand. "What, I'm not allowed to visit an old friend?" Red huffs disbelievingly, causing the flakes of snow around his nose to rise and settle. "Well," she pauses. "Well, I guess... you could say I was sent here by the Pokemon League."

His gaze jerks up from the soft glow of the fire. Leaf flinches. Pikachu, sensing its trainer's shock, dashes away from Leaf and climbs up Red shoulder like a frantic mankey. It turns with a growl to Leaf.

"I-it's nothing serious!" Leaf whispers keeping one eye on Pikachu. Red is on guard. He knows the League has sent Leaf to get him, keep him inside the Elite Four building and make him stay there. He doesn't want that.

"I knew you would take it like this," Leaf mutters. "Red, listen to reason. You've been up here for years now and the League, well, they're getting worried! Worried that the _Kanto champion _(the words sting him like needles) is going insane! They have a point, anyone would go mad if they were stuck here for ages without any _human_ company. It's not just the League either. You left your mom without even leaving her a _note_! Now she's worried sick, and Green's on the verge of telling her where you are because you can hear her sobbing every night! She's desperate, and you won't even bother to come down there for a moment and say 'sorry'!"

Apparently, these words have been bottled inside of Leaf since each sentence comes out like a raging storm without hesitation. Blue eyes reflect the flames, making it look like they contain hellfire within them. All the friendliness has disappeared.

"And more than anything, _I'm_ worried sick! You're not acting like you used to, back when we were kids- you're more secretive and acting like you've but up some kind of barrier but you haven't!"

Leaf stops to take a breath and continue, but Red gets there first before she can say whatever she had to say next.

"I never told you were I was, you know."

That manages to shut Leaf up for a moment, but a moment is all he needs to run past her and out to the snow. Ignoring the fact he's completely vulnerable to the elements of nature, he holes up in one of the many caverns he knows(Mount Silver is like the back of his hand to him, after all) and stays there until little light that was visible through the hills of snow vanishes. Quietly, he hulls himself and Pikachu back to their camp.

As expected, Leaf's gone.

**000**

The only possibility can be Green.

It's like one of those spy movies- everyone the main character used to trust has betrayed him, and now, the main character doesn't know who he can trust anymore. Except the main character is Red, and he isn't completely lost on who he can trust. He knows he can trust his pokemon. That's for sure.

But everyone else...

Ever since Leaf's visit, Red sometimes stares at the falling snow and wonders, _why am I hiding? _It's been so long since he came up here one day. He himself doesn't even remember the reason, or why he doesn't want to go back. But his instinct tell him that he shouldn't, and his instincts are right most of the time.

Maybe the white is affecting his mind somehow- he wouldn't know, even if it was eating his being away from the inside. Maybe he's going crazy.

All these 'maybes' make his head hurt. Red stops thinking about the 'maybes'.

**000**

He didn't ask Green about it. Ask if it's true or not. Why should he?

The champion's surprised that the reporters haven't flooded the place yet, bombarding him with questions, dragging back down or anything.

Green smiles at him (_how can you act like you've done nothing?) _and caresses him with soothing words and soft touches. Thoughts fill Red's mind, not about love, or Green, but about betrayal and hate and (_am I going paranoid?) _lies and hate hate _hate_ that...that...

He starts to push Green away.

**000**

Green comes back.

Why?

Green should've ran away, should've hated him, should've been heartbroken. But he comes back.

The gym leader is hauling the usual load of supplies. There's nothing like hate, or anger, or sadness it those emerald orbs. Just the feeling of warmth. The feelings overtake him, and his actions are not his.

"Get. Out."

But that would be putting the blame on his self conscious and...

_"We're already out."_

it doesn't seem fair to, well, anyone, because it's all _his fault_...

"Just go away."

no, no, this is all the league's fault. For making his mind go out of control...

_Crunch._

but why is he obsessing over this, anyways? Wouldn't it be a better idea if he escaped this...

_A rush of wind carrying words away Crunch Crunch Crunch_

icy prison? He didn't need to run. But he did, because he would always be watched and...

"Get out of my life."

trapped and...

_"I don't get what I did wrong."_

Green.

Suddenly, Red is aware of his movements. He takes a step forward. Rage bubbles inside him.

"You made me _care._ I can't believe I even _trusted you._" The wind battles above the words, building up the drama that surrounds them in a thick veil.

Red takes a step forward, while Green takes a step back. They're almost on the edge.

"Why did you do it?" he asks. "Why did you betray me? I thought..." his voice breaks, and he looks up to meet Green's eyes. They only contain confusion. "Why do you act like nothing's wrong?"

When Green takes a half step back and stops, Red knows the boy has reached the edge. Green's mouth moves, and Red can only barely make out the words...

_"Are you blaming yourself, or me?"_

The champion's mind is thrown into a turmoil, his thought completely off-balance from the question he can't answer. They last about, forming sentences that never end. He's in his own private hurricane, and he hates it.

The feelings come out into three words. Three simple words.

"I _hate_ you."

He sees the emerald shell crack, revealing the terrified form of a boy underneath the hard mask. Red almost cracks too, when a soft hand touches his shoulder. It's filled with love, and warmth, and those memories of curling up by the fire, when everything made sense. When nothing was betraying him.

That moment, he pushes Green away. Again.

And, suddenly, the paralyzing jade eyes aren't there anymore. He panics for a second, before realizing something that jolts him into a state of shock.

_He's pushed Green off the edge._

In no time flat, he has Charizard out and he's rushing toward the limp body. As far as he can tell, Green's gone unconscious, probably because of the sudden decrease in altitude. He makes Charizard dive, getting under Green, just in case.

There are traces of frost appearing on the edges of his skin, but that's not important, for now. To be honest, he's terrified (and that itself is an understatement), but when he realizes that, at the current speed, they might reach the ground faster than he had thought they would. However, there's no way to catch Green like this, not like...

He gets a crazy, insane, utterly _brilliant_ idea.

Cold fingers grip the fingers of Charizard's neck and jerk up, making the fire dragon jerk up as well. Now they're flying up while Green is falling down.

_One shot._

His fingers stretch, stretch, until, _yes! _He grabs the collar of Green's coat and yanks it toward him. But it goes terribly wrong.

The speed forces his legs to loosen its grip on Charizard's sturdy frame, and they're both falling, and he has Green locked in his grip and the ground is getting closer and closer, he braces himself for the end (he hopes his rival makes it instead of him)-

A flash of orange flashes into existence underneath them and slow their fall with its tail. The sickening crack of broken bones (_he's crying, his brave Charizard)_ rushes by their ears and all of them make a crash landing on the ground. Dirt finds his way into his eyes, sharp rocks cut his skin, but he never lets go of Green. Then everything comes to a halt. Red's so tired now, so tired. His eyes are barely slits, but he sees the cloud of dust made from their crash settle and Pokemon League loom above them like a guardian of sorts. His fingers find chocolate brown hair, and big wet drops drip from his eyes.

_I'm so, so, so, so, so, so.._

**000**

_Sorry._

His eyes, shoot open, expecting black and emptiness, but instead, there's white. A series of beeps calm him as a ticking clock would, but doesn't completely settle his nerves. His ears pick up on soft breaths. He's surprised to find he can move, though needles of pain dig into his whenever he does. It's better than nothing, especially after..

"You're awake, huh?"

He snaps his head around toward the voice, ignoring the agonizing pain that follows it. Instead of the unforgiving green eyes he was anticipating, he gets a soft, worried shade of brown staring back at him.

"You gave us quite a shock, champion. We heard you said no to that young lady- Leaf, was it?- when she asked if you could come down. She was in quite a mess when she told us, crying and all that. Said you were quite mad at her," Lance shook his head. "She told me to... well, never mind that now. I should be welcoming you back into the conscious world. How are you feeling, champion?"

When he received no reply, the former champion shook his head, and ran his fingers through his hair, smiling gently. "You were always the quiet type, I suppose. But you should be ready to explain what happened. As I said before, you gave us quite a shock. There was a giant crash- knocked over a lot of candles and five stacks of haunter pokeballs, Agatha's not mad though- and we saw you and Green laying in a big crevice with your Charizard!"

Lance's smile drops the second he sees the look on Red's face when Green is mentioned. "Your Charizard is fine. A few broken bones, but it's recovering quickly," Lance says, attempting to tip-toe around the sensitive subject of the Viridian leader. Red gives him a look, knowing that that's not what the dragon master really wants to ask.

"I'll tell you how he is, but not before you answer this; _what happened?"_

When Red replies with a stubborn shake of his head, Lance's glowing brown eyes go cold, and the gentle fire grows into a fiery inferno. "You've been out for _four days, _Red. You can try saying nothing happened, but no one's buying it. The league's been trying to keep out the press for days now, since they don't want you hammered down by questions as soon as you wake up. But we need _answers. _The Elite Four are _worried_ about you, and _I'm_ worried about you."

Red vaguely notices how much Lance sounds like Leaf. Actually, their brownish eyes are strikingly similar, right down to the feeling of being looked at by a affectionate parent when you gaze into them.

A muffled knock interrupts their rather one-sided conversation. A frail looking doctor comes in and beckons towards Lance who sighs and leaves the door open as he goes out. Red learns to enjoy the company of Lance's smooth voice, as its absence creates a dark chill in the room, though he may just be imagining it. The silence is deafening.

**000**

Leaf comes to visit. Not just once this time, but multiple times.

She doesn't say a word as she comes in. Doesn't cry, doesn't react to his shaken state, doesn't beg for forgiveness, but sits by the beside with a mask of stone. She likes to talk about the weather, about tea, about coffee, about all the difficulties of traveling, but never about him. Never about her. But there's a hint of a silent plea whenever she manages to meet gazes with him.

Red doesn't say anything, but remains unmoving like a statue. He doesn't say 'I'm sorry', or 'I forgive you'. The storm between them has reached the eye, and all is calm.

But they can't remain in the eye forever, though they will try.

Inwardly, he's grateful. His female rival is the one to chase off any reporters or elite four members when they lurk outside in the white-tiled hallways. The world is waiting for an answer, but Red refuses to give it to them.

A ray of sunlight shines on his darkened life when Leaf comes in, accompanied by his team of pokemon who proceed to shower him with hugs and nuzzles. Red welcomes them with open arms and some tears drip down on each of their pelts. While he soaks in the familiarity of having fur next to his bare skin, Leaf explains that Pikachu (that foolish, reckless, _noble_ mouse of a thing) had carried his belt of pokeballs all the way down the harsh rocks and to the steps of the Elite Four.

And Red wonders the fate of Eevee, who is yet to be seen.

From then on, his pokemon do not leave his side. Lance (who visits occasionally), claims they're the only he has a full stomach. Red doesn't disagree. He feels like an innocent child once again in their comforting gaze, one that never has and never will know the wicked of the world.

But on some days, he forces himself to break away from the calm and stare at the scars that run across Charizard's back and entwine in sudden breaks and turns, because his morals tell him that he can't run away anymore. His legs will get tired someday, and it's better to crash and burn now than later.

The realization hits him hard and fast after looming over him like a dark cloud before a storm for who-knows-how long and forces his being back into the flow of time, the one he escaped the moment he set foot on the unforgiving earth of Mount Silver.

The clock reads four.

**000**

He calls Lance over.

Red's throat feels like it's on fire, and before he speaks, he gulps down the glass of water on the bedside table that soothes the burn as it slips down his throat. It does considerable justice to the quality of his voice as well, he realizes when he says 'hi' to Lance and he doesn't sound like a dead meowth anymore.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Champion." Lance settles in the stool next to the bed and stares at the injured boy with calculating eyes that run up and down. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Waited long enough."

Lance shifts, resting his head on his hand that is propped up on the bedside table. "I'm listening."

Just because Red decides to talk doesn't mean he's suddenly changed into an open, dependent man. He gives the main points and leaves out the miniscule details anyone that is not Red could overlook. The small things, like the terror of falling. How he began to lose his mind. The way Green's face melted into shock when he pushed him. The fact that he pushed him at all.

The older man listens to the whole story with rapt attention, not interrupting him to ask a single question. When it's over, there's a whole new layer of sympathy added to those brown depths. Lance departs with a slow nod and a curt 'thank you'.

A moment later, the door is thrown open and a nurse shouts something. His feet are moving as fast as they can with some support from his pokemon companions. And he doesn't even know _why,_ because apparently his feet are smarter than his brain.

The smooth ink on the sign of door 366 form arches and curves that spell the letters _Green Oak._

The doctor hurriedly explains the situation while at the same time blocking his view to the rising form on the bed. Red attempts to shove his way through. He doesn't want the _explanations _and _conditions. _He wants _Green._

With a final shove Red barges his way through the doctor and halts across from Green's slowly moving head. Gently, the mop of brown hair rises, and two brilliant, beautiful orbs of jade blink slowly and meet gazes with him. Red's breath hitches. A nurse helps Green into a sitting position, but their line of sight never break.

That's when he notices the first thing.

Green's eyes have a sheen of genuine confusion where Red expected flames of anger to be. This shouldn't be surprising, but it's a different kind of confusion than '_where the heck am I?'_. Something on a greater scale, as if he really does not know who...

"Green, are you okay?"

The other boy's eyes narrow, expressing clear annoyance. (_Finally, something familiar.) _"Stop whispering."

The uncharacteristic silent response unsettles him even more, and he asks who he assumes to be the head doctor, "Is he going to be alright?"

The doctor nods, making notes with rapid-fire precision on the sheet of paper he's holding. Red glances at Green, who is now staring at the ceiling with a far-away look. Then closes his eyes slowly. A wave of panic (he has no clue why he's acting so-) take hold and he asks the doctor again, "Are you sure he's going to be alright?"

"Passing out is perfectly normal. He has been unconscious for some time, after all. You can't just expect him to jump up and be fine. Just give it time, Mr...?"

Red is already out the hallway, with the rest of his team members trailing behind him with worried looks on their faces.

**000**

When he's discharged from the hospital, the first place he goes to is Pallet town.

He didn't really want to leave Green's bedside. But Leaf's kicked him out and he knows there's no arguing with her. She did, however, swear a hundred times over that she wouldn't leave Green alone for a second and would call him if he woke up again.

A nostalgic feeling sweeps over him when pools of tears brim in his mother's eyes. Her embrace momentarily melts away his troubles. He hugs her back. As she always did, she smells like flowers and home-made cookies.

After a ten-minute lecture about telling your parents before going off to who-knows-where, she starts crying again and Red tells her over and over again that he's absolutely fine. She stops crying, but a disbelieving glint enters her puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

Nonetheless, she feeds him cookies which are eternally better than the disgusting excuse for 'food' they served him in the hospital. Then he goes out into the backyard and smiles at the flowers that wave at him as he passes by. They're healthy as always.

He sends his pokemon out to enjoy the fresh air as well. They roam around happily, glad at the sight of green grass and blue sky they've always been longing for up on that mountain. He's glad too. Picking up a handful of grass, he rubs it against his nose to breathe in the smell of something growing again. He's missed for so long. He's never enjoyed the frosty air of Mount Silver, nor the rancid smell of what smelled like chlorine in the hospital.

Red stays for a week which was longer than he planned. He might've even stayed for more, if Leaf hadn't called.

**000**

Leaf's eyes are large and teary. So are her tears.

She shivers under the menacing gaze of red. She whispers 'sorry' repeatedly at random intervals. Red has never shouted like this.

"Blood?! _Blood?!_"

"I'm-"

"Youlefthimalonewhenyou_promised!..._"

Red takes one look into Leaf's eyes. The sheer amount of fright in them scares him and cuts through his heart like a knife. He blinks, struggling to regain tranquility. It's not as if the world is ending. Just a speck of blood. Nothing to get upset about.

That's what he tells himself, anyway.

"_Promised..._" A slight pause. His breath is shaky but quiet when he continues. "Promised to look after him."

The girl opens her mouth again, but Red shakes his head before she can speak. "It's...not your fault."

He sits down by Green, looking at the veil of peace on his rival's face. There's even a hint of a smile there. After Leaf leaves him to be, Red extends his hand toward Green's, maybe try to offer the boy a bit of comfort. Maybe the other way around.

But he flinches back, scared that Green might wake up at the touch and look at him with first unfocused, then accusing eyes.

He's scared that Green might hate him, though he has every reason to.

He wants Green to love him, though he hasn't loved Green back. Not yet.

**000**

As soon as Red hears Green shift in the covers, he covers the top half of his face with his cap although he was specifically instructed to call the nurse if Green shows any signs of consciousness. He can feel Green's gaze aimed directly at him. He flinches when Green shifts again.

"Hey."

Admittedly, he hadn't been expecting him to talk to him so casually. Red had imagined more shouting involved, or maybe accusing whispers. Out from under the brim of his cap, he can see Green's eyebrows arch into a frown.

"Nice hat."

Red hears a bit of uncertainty in those words.

Red _should_ be glad that Green doesn't seem mad at him, but it's not like Green to _not_ be mad. There's something...strange. Something that he can't put into words. Of course, Green could be trying to ease him into a conversation about it, which would relive Red's mind greatly. But that doesn't seem in sync with Green's character. If Green wasn't mad at him, he would say something like, 'So, why _did_ you push me off a cliff?' in a joking manner. He wouldn't dodge around the question, he would say it outright.

He doesn't want to meet Green's gaze, afraid that he'll see a stranger where Green's supposed to be. He pulls his hat down lower.

"...sorry?"

Red shakes his head. This...this isn't Green.

The truth comes crashing down, sending his mind into a frenzy.

_Where's Green?_

**000**

Strangely, Green seems to be only waking up when he's in the room, since Leaf hasn't mentioned anything about Green being awake. He still hasn't told anyone. He doesn't want anyone to find out he's killed Green, after all.

Yes. Yes, he's killed Green. Killed him. Killed that laughing, loving, smiling, joking Green and replaced him with a _stranger. _The last parts the worst part. Green's been replace by a _stranger. _If he wasn't such a _fool_, he would've tried to get along with the boy. The _boy._ _The stranger._ Maybe tell him about his past. About who he _replaced. _Maybe try to get along with him, like he did with Green. But he doesn't even try, because he's selfish. Because even if he tells the _stranger_ all of those things, the _stranger_ will never be _Green_ to him. He'll be _Green_ to everyone else, but not him.

If he was a true hero, he might've done for someone. (The 'someone' being Leaf.) But he's damn sure he's no hero. Heroes don't murder people.

So he sits. He forgets why he doesn't just get up and leave when there's practically no point in trying. (_you're so selfish, Red)_ He could just get up and leave for someone else to find the broken shell that's been invaded by a stranger.

But he keeps coming back. He never looks at the stranger. No, it's just seems as if a trace of Green still lingers beside the stranger like a cloud. Probably wanting his body back, Red supposes. One day, Green gets it back, even if it's just for a minute.

"I'm right, right?" the stranger asks curiously. Red wonders what the guy is talking about.

"Yeah, I'm right. You're not real."

He doesn't want himself to be right. If fate had mercy, he wouldn't be right. He would be wrong, and when he looked into the sea of jade he would see Green's laughter.

Fate isn't as merciful as that, of course.

The stranger starts laughing. It's almost insane. It's the kind of laughter you would hear from a person who is about to die, and has no regrets. But the weirdest part is...the stranger seems happy about the 'fact' that he has just stated.

_"It's not real!" _

**000**

He tells Pikachu about it, because he trusts Pikachu.

"I killed someone, Pikachu."

But his yellow friend doesn't seem to understand. It shakes his head, then looks at him quizzically, wondering what to do before deciding to go with a nuzzle beneath his chin. The fur tickles.

"Chuu."

**000**

Red tries to get hope. It's the first and last time he ever talks with the stranger.

"I'm sorry," Red chokes out. He doesn't really understand why his brain is so determined to say the words meant for Green to this _stranger._ But he doesn't try to stop the phrase from coming out of his mouth, because he knows that Green is watching from the windowsill there. Over there.

"I'm just...just so,so, so _sorry_."

"For what?" the stranger asks. He sounds bored, as if he's not really paying attention. This world isn't 'real' to _him_, after all.

But it's real to Green, and Red can't afford letting this chance slide out of his hands.

"For_ everything. _Just, I'm just_...sorry..."_

Green looks straight at him, eyes twinkling. It looks devious, almost, the way his eyes shine. But he loves it just the same.

"I _hate_ you." Green smiles.

Red leaves behind the broken fragments on the chair next to the bed, where they'll stay forever. There's no point taking them with him any longer.

Green will take care of them.

**000**


End file.
